


Phichit's Plan

by Genesis3Chi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Blind Date, First Dates, M/M, Matchmaker Phichit Chulanont, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-10-02 00:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20453381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genesis3Chi/pseuds/Genesis3Chi
Summary: Phichit is just desperate to get Yuuri a date, and he is determined this summer is the one!





	Phichit's Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Brief mention of veterinary oncology, didn't think it worthy of a tag for the Big C, but thought I should mention just in case

Half the names on the list had already been crossed off. Phichit’s Google Doc was full of the names of all the single people between 18 and 30 he could think of, all genders and ages within that range were open, he wouldn’t rule anything out. Yuuri _ needed _ a date, desperately. Yuuri would never admit it, would probably never even accept the possibility that he was lonely, but Phichit knew, he felt the vibes.

Phichit had been working on it for months, compiling the Great List with the help of some of his more socialite friends, the butterflies amongst them collecting their own names and small bios to present to Yuuri in attempts to lure his interest. So far no-one had got more than a quirked brow and a frustrated and endeared laugh before Yuuri returned to studying. Providing parties and dance classes, while amusing, did not relax Yuuri the way Phichit had hoped, his embarrassment and anxious nature refusing to let him wind down.

Phichit was adamant that Yuuri needed someone to cuddle with that wasn’t him, though flatmate cuddle days were amazing, Yuuri needed someone to bone, but also just someone to properly devote his great stores of love to. And Phichit had made it his mission to find that someone for his bestie since he would never seek one out himself.

"Nancie, barista, 22, likes horse-riding and… octopi? Really?"

"Peach, come on, no."

"Ivy, law student, 19, favourite TV show is Suits."

"Workaholic."

"Takes one to know one. Anyway, Leo, musician, 19, interests, mu—"

"Music? Wow, so exciting, can we stop now?"

"Cha—"

"No Chads."

"How did you even know that’s what I was going to say?"

"There’s always one somewhere, and I’m not having any part of a Chad."

Phichit waggled his brows, "Not _ any _ part?"

"_ No _."

That settled that.

Phichit read name after name, some were his own friends, some friends of friends, some obscure recommendations and exes, and the occasional rando he’d followed on Instagram that just might remotely work. No interest at all from the forty or so bios he had read out and Yuuri had finally started to get properly pissed off.

Over the course of the next few days, whenever Yuuri woke up, went to the bathroom, moved about the flat, walked out the door, any small moment of time that his head wasn’t on a pillow or in a book, Phichit would read a name and a description. "Layla, pretty cute, ginger, 26, baxter… what’s that mean? Oh, female baker."

"Mmm, I’d just eat too much."

"You’re not fat Yuuri." They had had this conversation more than once, and Phichit knew they would have it again. But he would reassure Yuuri on this point and on others as many times as was necessary.

"I would be if I dated a baker." Yuuri shrugged and went to work.

Phichit sighed. Nearing the three-quarter mark. He refused to give up though! Someone had to catch his Yuuri’s attention! There would be a wedding by the time he was twenty-five dammit! Preferably at least an engagement for his twenty-first birthday present, though this was Yuuri he was talking about so he didn’t enforce that one… just hoped and crossed his fingers.

For variety the next occasion Phichit read from the bottom upward, suggesting, "Alex, 24, se— oooooh, sex worker!"

Yuuri winced, "Really, they’re advertising that fact?"

"Yeah! Isn’t that cool! That takes guts, shows they’re honest and believe in themselves."

"Or they think it’s funny or think with their—"

"So negative, Yuuri."

"Do you ever think we should just stop doing this? Ever? C’mon Peach we’ve been at this for weeks."

"Yuuri, my sweet summer child, there are not many names left, and respectfully, I spent months on this, so… hell no I’m not stopping now." A grand gesture. "We see this through to the end!"

Yuuri sighs, "Go on then, make it quick so I can finish this chapter in peace."

Phichit grins. He’ll take that.

It continued for days in this vein, until:

"Viktor, 27—"

"Little old Peach—"

"Stop being fussy, it’s the same difference as you and me."

Yuuri huffs.

"27, between jobs—"

"Unemployed, you mean."

"No, sometimes 'between' means literally that, in the middle of a changing state, y’know, biologically transmuting."

"That’s chemistry."

"Shut up. Poodle owner, poodle lover, likes to ice skate in his socks on wood floors."

Yuuri tittered, "Sounds goofy."

"Yuuri."

"What?"

"Yuuuuri."

"What?"

"His hair’s silver."

"…Silver. You mean grey?"

"No, I mean _ silver _, like below gold."

"So you mean he’s really old looking. Please, I need to study, Peach."

"It's summer, between semesters, you need to _ chill _ , and… _ let off steam _." Phichit waggled his brows and made a crude hand gesture.

"Phichit-kuuuun!" Yuuri flushed and hid his face in the book.

"I will not rest till you have been on at least one date ever in your life! How will I tell amazing embarrassing best man stories if you never find anyone?" Phichit put his chin on Yuuri's knee, looked up under the book at him, puppy-eyed and absolutely sucker-punching Yuuri's heart.

"Ugh, fiiiine, just pick one for me."

"There's hundreds! That's why you were meant to pick, I can't choose your future husband for you!"

"What makes you so sure its a husband? There's been every gender under the sun on your list."

Phichit huffed, rolling his eyes, "I have a good gaydar, and your bi little heart clearly has a preference, even if you do have a thing for boobies. Hey, what if _ I _ had boo—"

"PHICHIT!"

"What?" Phichit blinked demurely.

"You are my best friend!"

"Aww, thanks Yuuri!"

"Ack, no, I meant as much as I love you I don't want to date you!"

Phichit's grin went full Cheshire Cat, and he danced around the room, chanting, "Yuuri loves me, Yuuri luuuuuurves me, Yuuri wants to give me great big gay kisses on the mouth."

Yuuri facepalmed, "I give up."

"I don't, and I have decided, you are going on a date with Viktor Nikiforov cos you called him goofy and his picture has cleavage, therefore I predict an 8 in 10 chance of you at least ogling him."

Yuuri just about died from embarrassment.

Phichit nodded, "I'll text him now."

It was awkward, it was going to be so awkward and Yuuri could not deal with the nice sweater and jeans Phichit had stuffed him into. The jeans were so snug they felt more like leather pants in an 80s film, and the sweater was asymmetrical, off the shoulder with partly mesh sleeves. He felt kind of like a hooker.

"Do I really have to wear this? Can't I wear my own clothes?" Yuuri tried to walk back to the apartment but Phichit efficiently swirled him back around to walk towards the little hole in the wall restaurant he had reserved the two to meet at.

"Uh uh, these _ are _ your clothes, I bought them specially for you to go fishing in, look, you even have netting."

"Fishi—? Oh." Yuuri blushed. And then he saw Viktor Nikiforov through the open door of the restaurant. "_ Oh _." And promptly tried to flee.

Phichit caught his wrist before he could make it more than three steps. "Nope, you’re not backing out on me, you agreed to at least one date before the summer’s over."

"But Peach—"

"Nope."

"He’s—"

"Yep."

"Gorgeous."

"I know."

"He’s totally out of my league."

"Never."

Yuuri gulped, there was far too much of Viktor Nikiforov’s rather toned chest on display, a deep neckline exposing the rigid edges of defined pectorals. Yuuri was weak.

"Peach, I seriously can’t go in there. He’s too hot, I might die."

"Said the man who just a few days ago said he was an old and unemployed loser."

"I never said that…"

"Implied it then."

"Well invent time travel and stop me."

"Too late, now move your butt!" Phichit shoved Yuuri through the door then his phone appeared in his hand as if by magic in time for him to poke it and his head around but otherwise hide out of the way.

Yuuri was alone. Yuuri was a fumbling awkward blob. And the hottest guy on the planet had just seen him come flying through a door only to nearly fall on his face. He wanted to curl up and die in a hole, right now please. Could an earthquake be that localised to suck him into hell where he belonged?

Apparently not, since nothing was forthcoming and the world, cruel as it was, made him pick himself up, dust himself off, and walk over to the table. Viktor smiled at him, and Yuuri was already floundering.

"Hi!" A big open-mouthed smile, and a little wave, even though Yuuri was maybe four foot away at most.

Yuuri was gone.

"Um, hi." Could he have been any lamer?

"Did it hurt when you fell?"

"That’s a really corny line y’know," Yuuri said as he sat down.

Viktor winked, "If I was using it as a line it might have actually worked, I was actually just asking if you’re all right? I’m not exactly a trained first aider, but I could have worked out something."

"I’m okay."

"Can I get you something to drink?"

Yuuri grinned, "Are you offering me alcohol after watching me have a fall?"

"You didn't hit your head."

"I might have done."

"But you didn't."

"Watching that closely, were you?"

"A beautiful man comes flying towards me? I was taking pictures."

Yuuri blushed, "Flatterer."

Viktor hesitated, "So, what can I get you?"

"Umm, what will you have? I don't really - ah, shouldn't really drink. I make bad choices."

Viktor leant forward, chin resting on his hands with a playful smirk, "I feel like there's a story here."

"Don't get me started, there's many stories, too many. And they usually involve Phichit videoing the whole thing. I don't know why I'm friends with him honestly." He paused. "How do you know him?"

Viktor cocked his head, "Wellll…"

And proceeded to lead Yuuri along a fantastical tale of Viktor's friend Chris, pole dance classes under the same teacher as Yuuri, nude modelling on a dare and a very enthusiastic photographer.

"I was a terrible pole dancer, I had no rhythm or grace at all, I slipped and fell on my ass half the time." Viktor opened and closed his left hand, "It's still sore from the friction burn."

"You build up calluses and get used to pole kisses pretty quick."

Viktor blinked, spoon frozen halfway to his mouth. "What?"

"What?"

"Pole kisses.."

"Yeah, um, bruises you get from wacking your shins or feet on the pole. They don't hurt after not very long. I once got this raised lump on my shin and I didn't even notice unless I poked it, you just stop registering the pain."

Viktor's eyes lit up, "You pole dance? Actually do it well?"

Yuuri rubbed the back of his neck, "Well, I'm in the advanced class so I guess you could say that. I'm not all that good really, I don't have time for the competitions like some do."

"Competitions? Like, you go upside down and stuff in front of people? Wow! Amazing!"

"That's the general idea at some point, yeah, but vet school is a bit too much to go to pole comps on the side. Especially if I got hurt, I can't afford to miss class."

"Don't you have the summer off?"

"Technically, I don't have any classes but there's so much reading and coursework I can get a headstart on. And I need to start thinking about specialisms and researching for my final project. Lots to do even without class."

"I never really did the education route, I never had time for it. Now I'm retired I suddenly have all this time I don't know what to do with."

"Aren't you a little young to retire?"

Viktor pursed his lips, looking down at his nearly empty plate. "Yes and no. I didn’t have to, I could have had a year or two more, but," he sighed, "It just seemed so pointless."

Yuuri edged his hand a little across the table, the smallest motion. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"I’ve done the whole seeing the world thing, it’s not as exciting as people make it sound. I think… I want to work with animals. My dog Makka’s the world to me, and I want to give that kind of joy to other people. Just without the genetic defects, I’ve been researching responsible breeding, and how adoption centres work."

"That’s hard work, running a shelter."

Viktor winked, flipping his hair, "What’s life without a bit of a challenge? And besides," a radiant heart-shaped smile, "Adorable _ shchenoki _ to cuddle all day!"

The conversation followed Viktor’s vague plans to breed poodles and various mixed breeds alongside running a rescue. Yuuri learned that Viktor was, in fact, relatively wealthy and therefore had the money for medical care and boarding of the dozens of dogs he hoped to have. Yuuri spoke of his hopes to go into veterinary oncology and increase the options available to animals with cancers, confessing to his sad experience as a child of his first pet having to be put down because they wouldn’t even attempt to treat the cancer - one that in humans had a relatively high life expectancy.

The two commiserated about the difference in medical care and treatment of animals to humans, and bonded over their love of poodles and dance. Yuuri barely noticed the evening pass, the drinks consumed as they moved from the restaurant to the bar. The bell for last orders startled the pair of them, and they giggled tipsily at each other as they finished their drinks. Viktor called for one last vodka shot, and a screwdriver for Yuuri. They clinked and downed the drinks before heading out into the warm summer evening. 

Lampposts glimmered in the dusk, soft glow lighting Yuuri’s rosy face as Viktor looked down at him. Yuuri was flushed with a light haze of alcohol, affection, and excitement. And Viktor was positively radiating happiness, effervescent with satisfaction, and lit from within by the beginnings of infatuation.

"Can I have your number?" Yuuri blurted, at the same time as Viktor said, "I want to see you again."

The two chuckled and swapped phones, putting their numbers in and suggesting options for their next date.

And just around the corner was Phichit, doing a silent Viktuuri dance.

He got his wish of an engagement for his next birthday.

And definitely got his wish of embarrassing Yuuri during his Best Man speech.


End file.
